If not now, when?

One American woman. Twenty acres and a 1650 farmhouse in Tuscany. Random introspection and hilarity, depending on the day.

01 January 2007

Just one

I had given a lot of thought to the idea of making resolutions this year, and decided against it.

Resolutions can get overwhelming, too many intentions and not enough action. Recycle more! Be more patient! Go to the gym! Call my grandparents more often! Leap, the net will appear! This year, maybe it can be enough to live every day as if it were the last. Asking about everything - "do it now, what are you waiting for?" ... or, "is that really so important"? It seems like all those other resolutions and intentions would work themselves out if I really truly valued each day like that. That was the spirit with which "if not now, when?" became my motto, many years ago, and it is truer than ever today.

And yet, as I sat late last night (well, okay ... early this morning) with champagne-induced tears streaming down my face - swallowing hard, reflecting on change and fear and putting one foot in front of the other, which is sometimes all we can do ...

I did make a resolution.
Just one.

It is a response to a wish from The Man of Many Nicknames - whose quiet, gentle voice calms me when I am anxious, encourages me when I am uncertain, challenges me to think, teases me when I am pouty. It was he who said to me softly, kindly: "I just wish more people could see the side of you that I know."

He's right: what I love most is that I am a better person with his influence, and ... more people should see that side of me. This year, I resolve to do just that.

5 Comments:

Blogger ElleStarr said...

Happy New Year. I, too, sit here crying. Maybe we'll both figure it out this year. Much love to you, and thanks for all your kind words and caring.

12:58 AM  
Blogger tallulah said...

What a beautiful post. Looking forward to seeing more of the side of you that he knows.

1:34 AM  
Blogger kurberry said...

Damn. Where can I get the other brother of "The Man of Many Nicknames" for my best friend/advisor/bolsterer/alternative parent???

8:21 AM  
Blogger Viaggiatore said...

Elle: don't worry girlie, 07 is a lucky number, right? (I just keep telling myself that!)

Tallulah: thanks for the encouragement: shell-shedding is ... hard. WAY hard. But worth it. My soft underbelly is getting used to seeing the light of day, slowly.

Kurberry: thanks for stopping by! No brother, I'm sorry to tell ya ... he really, truly is one in a gazillion (a million just didn't seem quite enough!). Believe me when I say that I know exactly how amazingly fortunate I am to have him in my life, in *every* role that he plays.

1:41 PM  
Blogger serrin said...

Mine is to donate to charity for a change, if I can only decide which charity!

Also, I have linked to your blog, I hope you don't mind, if you do tell me and I will remove it :)

4:11 AM  

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