If not now, when?

One American woman. Twenty acres and a 1650 farmhouse in Tuscany. Random introspection and hilarity, depending on the day.

16 October 2005

And now, back to your regularly scheduled programming...

What a whirlwind. I did a count just the other day, and the results were that I have officially been "home" (without guests) for a whopping 15 days since June 9. Bad for the karma, psyche, routine, sanity, health ... you name it.

Have squeezed in wonderful visits with friends throughout the months on the road, though - i'm lucky to work with people that I truly enjoy and respect. The Deb & The Reb were here, as were the travelling cloudboffers, The Dreamer, and of course Beatrice & The Pensive Oak. It was wonderful to have the house really enjoyed & lived in.

And, heading into Fall, it's all s..l..o..w..i..n..g down. (breath). It's no wonder that I've spent the last three days just ... (laundry, unpacking, taking stock, pulling weeds, getting those long-overdue finance reports in, cleaing out email) ... trying to BE here. And today being Sunday, it was a 'day of rest'.

Coffee. sunshine. breakfast. feed cats. crossword puzzles #3-6 in the book.

And then, I remember I'm in Bella Toscana. And it's a 'hunt weekend' - shotgun blasts punctuate the gorgeous day. Dogs barking. People hollering excitedly across the meadow. Not long ago, it freaked me out a little; now it seems more a welcome din; a sign of fall and weekend and a sunny day.

Lazing in the sun doesn't keep me in the manner to which I have become accustomed; I begin pulling weeds, stacking firewood, starting to bring the terracotta pots in to the limonaia for the winter. Spent 2 hours raking the gravel driveway back into place after more than a month of rain and not-careful driving (backbreaking work, that!) Halfway through, I am interrupted by 5 riders on horseback coming through the yard ... looking for the path through the forest. I point them onto the right direction with a cheerful "di niente" (it's nothing.) Just another day in paradise.

Made a (miserable tasting) olive & mushroom pasta for dinner - truly scraped from the nothingness of my cupboards ... but I didn't want to face going out and being friendly with people. It was enough.

I briefly entertain the thought of sitting down to write, then decide to put off the correspondence I know I need to spend energy on: I owe JillyBean, Bird of Paradise, Blossom, Almost Legal, and the Unassuming Princess long letters. Need to send Gram that pic of me at the Musee d'Orsay, the one with Degas' dancers. Don't have the energy today. It would be hard for all of them to understand that it's been literally three months without a true moment of peace. Or then again, maybe not.

What's the saying again? Never explain - your friends don't need it and your enemies won't believe you anyway. So, as is already painfully obvious ... my hiatus from posting was driven only by the psychosis of my world for the last three months. I can't apologize or explain, to you or to myself, it just was what it was. Missed ya.

Today, it is enough to just be. In the famous words of Beatrice, "sometimes you've just gotta love what is."

Tonight, I'm bone tired after a good day of physical labor (the new version of 'the gym' - more enjoyable, by far!) The soundtrack for tonight: Raining In Baltimore (Counting Crows.) It's always haunted me, I don't know why. A glass (okay, two!) of wine. A fireplace. Early to bed. Tomorrow is another week.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice to have you back. And, you are right. Your friends will understand the absence. As for the long email, take your time. I'm not going anywhere. Spend some extra time breathing in the fall air of Tuscany for me. I'm looking forward to hearing about it when you have the presence of self to put your heart into it.
-Jillybean (haven't been called that in years and love that your remembered, BTW)

8:48 PM  

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