If not now, when?

One American woman. Twenty acres and a 1650 farmhouse in Tuscany. Random introspection and hilarity, depending on the day.

17 August 2006


Not as in, "I'm snapping, I can't take it anymore".
But rather, "I'm snapping ... out of it."

Okay, I admit it. I've been seriously indulging my distractedness for the past 10 days. My introspective side. Those googly-eyed, teenage girl, "I'm the center of the world and love should appear at my doorstep" sort of feelings. And indulgent it was indeed.

Oh, it's been quite a sight: I've lolled around daydreaming at the THOUGHT of perfect love (maybe, just maybe, if I could possibly be so lucky?!?) being out there. I have lain upon the terrace in the middle of the night and stared at the amazing clarity of the stars. I might have done some "loves me/loves me not" daisy-petal-plucking and - gasp! - horoscope reading. Yes, it's been ten days of indulging myself in sixth-grade-girlish fantasies, notebook doodles, and, well ... some fantasies that were very much NOT sixth grade (or at least I hope kids aren't that advanced these days!)

(that's the best I can do in writing to the sound of brakes being applied).

"Hi there, Viaggiatore? It's reality calling."

Reality: Everyone's favorite party crasher.
(As if the empty bed weren't enough, now there's the wet blanket of reality on top of it.)

BUT it got me thinking: if I'm really the live-in-the-moment, "if not now, when?" girl that I claim to be, then I've got me a life to live here, regardless of who or where THAT guy may be out there. And if I were a betting woman, which I usually am, I'd lay 100% odds that he's not showing up on my doorstep today. (And if he really is THAT guy, the real one, then he'd want me to be out there, living. Right? Right.) Will he show up someday? Maybe. Today? No.

And so, boys and girls, the unscheduled vacation in la-la-land has been a blast. But it's back to Viaggiatore's regularly scheduled life. (You know, the life where she's witty, edgy, and just an eensy weensy bit healthily cynical. Admit it, you miss her.)

And on this picture-postcard beautiful summer weekend in Tuscany, live it I will. Methinks this calls for a roadtrip.

"You only get one life to live. And if you live it right, one should be enough."

It's the long, skinny pedal on the right, baby.
Catch me if you can.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

You go, girl!!! That guy doesn't know what he's missing. But we do, and we're glad you're back!

11:36 PM  
Blogger ElleStarr said...

did you snap so hard you hurt yourself and can't post?

1:31 AM  
Blogger I'm Just a Girl said...

For you V, I think the best is yet to come.

3:49 AM  
Blogger Viaggiatore said...

All: sorry! The roadtrip definitely rocked, and then I ran back home into the brick wall I like to call ye ole' day job, which is a-hoppin' this week. Will post synopsis soonish. And thanks for the good vibes: Girl, I definitely agree with you - the best IS yet to come. Makes me smile just thinkin' about it. Bring it on!

6:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's a great story. Waiting for more. » » »

2:43 AM  
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