Reflections

We are all mirrors to each other. And here – without the buffer of a lifetime of relationships to rely on or perfect language smoothing over the harshness - this reality is more glaringly obvious.

Every time we interact with someone, we are holding up a mirror. It is how WE have chosen to see the other person. And the reflection we give back in turn becomes an almost indelible part of how she views herself.

It’s in our actions, in our eyes, in our words. Do we purposely speak too fast for her to follow? Are we dismissive and derisive? Do we smile genuinely, or avoid eye contact as we offer a backhanded compliment? Do we delight in their struggles, their imperfect moments (because we feel better by comparison), or are we encouraging, truly complimentary, kind… calling attention only to the other's best assets?

There are people in each of our lives – oxymoronic “nemesis friends” - who are those horrible contorted funhouse mirrors. While it seems like a joke, they reflect back at us, by their actions and attitudes, magnified versions of our weak spots. Shining unflattering, harsh lights on the less-polished parts of ourselves, things we might wish we could change. They delight in capturing and magnifying moments of imperfection.

And then there are those who, instead, show me a reflection of my very best self. The person I strive to be, the one I am in my very best moments. Those mirrors minimize the negative, with the angle and lighting ‘just so’ accentuating our positive qualities. Encouraging us to see the beauty that they see, glazing over the less-attractive parts. They are the people whose eyes see into our souls, and reflect goodness back at us in a hazy, soft light.

Yes, we are all mirrors.
And it is ours to choose which mirrors we surround ourselves with: which ones we place far out of reach and those in which we are able to catch reassuring daily glimpses of ourselves.

I am immeasurably thankful to have a handful of mirrors in my life who make me feel witty, brave, kind, vulnerable in only good ways, beautiful, generous, sexy, capable, charming. Who believe in the person that sometimes I am unable to see. It is those mirrors I look to when I am uncertain. They encourage me. Show me the possibilities. And when I look to them, I can believe.

“We don't see one another often, but it doesn't negate the fact that my heartbeat matches yours, and failing that, plays cymbal to your fierce and wonderful bass.”

“I just can’t imagine there’s much that would stop you for very long.”

I am awed by the power of those casual words, coming from distant friends. Even from far away, their reflections inspire me. And I stand straighter and stronger, able to confront the darkness. I am fiercer and more wonderful, because that it is how they reflect me to myself.

Choose your mirrors wisely. Your true reflection depends on it.