If not now, when?

One American woman. Twenty acres and a 1650 farmhouse in Tuscany. Random introspection and hilarity, depending on the day.

28 May 2006

"How will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?" (Plato)

I have been, for a week now, inexplicably moody and introspective and generally out-of-sorts. So much so that I decided not to go out and about partaking in the "open cantina" day today (read: winery visiting with abandon, and on a SUNDAY - the one Sunday a year wineries here throw their doors open) and instead did a long day of self-inflicted therapy (read: weed pulling in the sun with music bellowing out of every open door and window of the house; cheaper and more accessible than a shrink's couch.)

Yes, you read that right - I opted for a day of physical labor rather than wine sipping.

(Oh, dear, now I've gone and alarmed you. I can feel you mentally calling in the cavalry: "What's happened to our beloved Viaggiatore? This is not normal behavior! Skipping visits to ITALIAN wineries, noless? She's been bodysnatched by the pod people!!")

No, really. I'm fine. As a matter of fact, I'm better than fine.

Because with tonight's dizzying sunset-painted-cloud spectacular (a gazillion times more inspiring than my cheezy-might-as-well-be-disposable camera can capture, even with my attempt at the art-shot because the cat simply wouldn't move...), I arbitrarily determined that my weeklong period of wallowing in the vat of self-pity-slash-meaning-of-life search was over.

Because when you're looking for that thing, the nature of which is totally unknown to you, I have realized that it does you no damn good to worry about when you'll find it and how you'll know it when you do. Either it'll appear, or it won't, but preoccupying yourself with wondering is simply an energy wasting exercise. And in-the-meanwhile-time, you're missing out on an awful lot of other experiences, which may not be that thing but are worthy and awfully interesting nonetheless. And every now and again, you may realize that what you thought you were looking for was right there in front of you all along. Yup. Howd'ya like THEM apples?!?!?

Besides, I carelessly sunburned the heck out of my upper back during this therapy-day project. And nothing, I repeat NOTHING, is funnier than the image of me squeezing aloe lotion onto the front edge of the pedestal sink in my bathroom, and then proceeding to slither my back repeatedly up and down the side of aforementioned sink trying to get lotion onto that one spot I can't quite reach.

I defy you to be able to contemplate the meaning of life when you're laughing that damn hard.

It's good to be back.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm sitting on my deck with a glass of wine LOL at the image of you rubbing lotion on your back. The things us single gals have to resort to!

Jersey Girl

12:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

next time try a spatula. tcb

4:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Seems you stumbled upon the very DEEP pleasure of your own company and the art of chopping wood (okay, weeds..) It's gotta be "that thing." P.S. The sky takes our breath away.. and the cat just sits. What a fine sojourn we choose when we take a time on Planet Earth. -- McCats

12:06 AM  
Blogger Viaggiatore said...

JerseyGirl: I definitely need a glass of that wine on your deck!

TCB: a SPATULA!! True genius. Funny how we try to make so many things in life more complicated than they are...

McCats: I'm simply swooning at your splendid showcase of the word "sojourn". Stop by and test your impressive vocab in commentland ANY time!!!

2:18 AM  
Blogger ElleStarr said...

I'm impressed that you only wallowed for a week. That's pretty good, especially if there was no taking to one's bed to accompany it.

Welcome back!

4:31 AM  

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