If not now, when?

One American woman. Twenty acres and a 1650 farmhouse in Tuscany. Random introspection and hilarity, depending on the day.

09 October 2006

Can you hear me?

I've been very musically inclined lately. The songs, all new, creep forth into my psyche from all angles ... a referral from a friend, from another writer, from Pandora. And most everything feels like a message coming clear out of the chaos.

These were the messages I needed to hear today. Perhaps you did, too?

"Some choices hold you down, some chances set you free.
Right outta nowhere
You open your heart and let go of everything.

You're going somewhere
And all you need to know is that you're free to go.

And you dream and the way will be clear,
Pray and the angels will hear,
Leap and the net will appear ...
Right outta nowhere."

"Growing stronger in broken places,
Growing wise where we were blind,
Finding love where amazing grace is,
Growing stronger in broken places.
In my darkest hour, like a frightened kid,
I won't be scared to fight to live."

Sometimes, our lives change abruptly, throwing us off a cliff. You didn't see it coming; right out of nowhere. Will you fly? Will something catch you, cushion your fall? Or will you break a little bit, but be stronger in those places on the other side?

Those changes are both uncomfortable and inevitable.
We must have faith the net is down there.

It is not ours to know, perhaps, where the path leads. Only that we must follow it. Our work in this life is to walk from yesterday to tomorrow, towards the possible, knowing that the thing called possible changes constantly. There is no rewind. And if the joy is the journey, not the destination, that limbo of not-knowing becomes an okay place to be. We resist the urge to fast forward, because that would be skipping the experience, and probably what we are supposed to learn while in it. And ultimately, each of us has our own paths; though we may travel alongside others for a time. Real living, real feelings, unspeakable pain, intense joy ... not the plastic facade ... are ugly at times, but worth fighting for. More than worth the fear, the anguish, the risk.

You know, I didn't always believe that.
I was very comfortable with that plastic facade for a long, long time.
No more.
Be. Real.
Live. Life.
Walk. Forward.
Find. Bliss.

"I thought I had seen everything in life there was to see, Then life came along proving me wrong, making a fool out of me. ... the truth of it is learning to live means letting go of your pride... and it's suddenly perfectly clear, when you view it from here."

And like persistent knocking on my brain, the messages keep coming.
"Can you hear me?"

"Yes, I can," I respond, meekly and reflectively at first... and then bolder, with the confidence of a person of faith in what will be:
"and I'm LISTENING."

(Are you?)


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I truly love the you that you are becoming. It is breathtaking to watch the transformation.

2:32 AM  
Anonymous Judith in Umbria said...

Think of the top 10 people that you know about, other than your own circle. Why do you know about them?
Not because they were timid and refused risks!

11:58 AM  
Anonymous elle said...

Your blogging habits, they are killing me!

6:50 AM  

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